SOFT MEN, STRONG HEARTS: WHY MEN AVOID TALKING ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH

By a curious girlie in her 30s.

This article is not a research-backed piece, just this one time. It is just me, a curious girlie in her 30s sharing thoughts that have been sitting with me for almost 5 years. As someone who is passionate about mental health but still figuring out how to share this passion with the world, men’s mental health is one of those topics I have always wanted to write about, and June being Men's Mental Health Awareness Month so here it is:

Men can talk for hours about football, politics, cars, money, and girls but nothing about how they’re really doing. Like deep down. I have seen this firsthand in colleagues, friends and men I have dated. They tend to get uncomfortable or laugh things off when you decide to get deep with them on how they are really doing. Things that bother them. Basically, asking them to get into their feelings.  

And it makes me wonder: What are we not allowing men to feel? 

From my seat on the outside looking in, I think society has done men dirty. For generations, they have been taught that being emotional is “unmanly.” That crying is a weakness. That vulnerability is dangerous. We have not allowed men to say “I’m not okay.” Maybe if we allow them to say so, we may also not know how to react and support them.

But one thing I know is: this needs to change.

Bottling up all their struggles and feelings is one of the reasons the suicide rate among men is so high. Did you know that “men die by suicide 3.8 times more than women?” Sadly, too many men carry these struggles for too long until something breaks. We don’t want that.

I don’t think men avoid talking about mental health because they don’t care. I think many of them are scared. Scared of being judged, misunderstood and seen as less than. And I get it. The society has not always been kind to “soft men”. But soft men? The ones who talk about their feelings? I find that incredibly attractive.

Still, it hurts to see men suffer silently. To hear that a man I know is battling anxiety or grief but doesn’t feel “man enough” to ask for help or talk about it; that’s really sad.

If you are a man reading this, I want you to know I see you. Most of us don’t want you to be emotionally numb. We want you to be real. We want you to open up. We want to hold space for your stories, even the messy ones.

Because I believe that men want to talk. They just want to feel safe and seen by the people they open up to. And we all need to do better to hold space for the men in our lives by creating a safe space for them. A space that is not judgmental but supportive.

This month (June), as we mark Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, I am choosing to reflect more gently on the men in my life.

To every man reading this: Your emotions are not a burden. They’re a part of you that is worthy of attention, care, and kindness.

Lots of Love,

Marylyn Ochillo

This special piece is dedicated to the men in my life - my dad and brother.