HOW YOU CAN LOVE SOMEONE WITH DEPRESSION

According to the World Health Organization, depression affects approximately 264 million people worldwide [1]. Kenya is ranked 5^th among African countries with a high number of people with depression [2,3]. In addition, one in four Kenyans will experience a mental health illness at one point in their life [4].

Depression is one of the most common mental illness and therefore there is a high chance that you or someone you know has experienced depression in their life. Depression manifests in different feelings such sadness, exhaustion, feeling worthless, loss of interest in usual activities that bring you joy, excessive sleeping or tiredness, having suicidal thoughts and even change in eating patterns, among others.

When someone we love has depression, it can be a difficult period on our lives as well.  It is very normal to feel worried, angry and even disappointed. It is also very normal to feel unsure, confused or overwhelmed about how to love and help them through this difficult period in their life. Depression usually makes even the simple things in life seem very difficult. Therefore a little bit of help for someone who is struggling with depression can really go a long way in making their life easier.

Instead of allowing fear to stop you from being there for them, here are a few tips on what you can do to express or show love to someone going through depression:

1. Help them with daily tasks and chores. Everyday activities such as cooking and cleaning tend to seem impossible and overwhelming to someone who is depressed. Helping them with these activities is a great way to show them that you care and love them, regardless of what they are going through.
2. Be present and supportive. Being present can be the most helpful thing you can offer to someone going through a hard experience like depression. It shows them that you are there for them regardless.
3. Listen and understand. Depression can be an isolating experience. Being a shoulder to cry on and providing them a listening ear without judgement can be very comforting to them and it is a great way to show them love. Depression is not something they can just snap out of. If they could, they would have done it already. Therefore, do not judge them, try to fix their problems, or give them unsolicited advice as this may only make them feel worse than they already are.
4. Encourage and love them by reminding them of their strengths, accomplishments and, how proud you are of them.
5. Help them find support. One of the ways you can help them find support is through therapy. Just remember that it can be an overwhelming experience when your loved one decides to seek help. Once they get the help e.g. therapy, always encourage them to stick to it, whenever they want to quit.

Depression is known to increase the risk of suicide or self-harm (5) and signs that you can be on the lookout for include:

• Talking openly about wanting to kill oneself
• Making a will
• Talking about being a burden to others
• Making a plan or researching ways to die
• Withdrawing from friends and saying goodbye as if it is the last time
• Giving away important items and possessions
• Making statements such as "I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up."

You are welcome to leave us a comment and/or your experience with depression. We would love to hear from you!

Lots of Love

Marylyn Ochillo

Sources:

1. World Health Organization. Depression. Available from: https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/depression . Accessed on March 28, 2024.
2. WHO Depression and Other Common Mental Disorders: Global Health Estimates. 2017. Available from: http://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/10665/254610/1/WHO-MSD-MER-2017.2-eng.pdf?ua=1&ua=1. Accessed on March 28, 2024.
3. MOH-Kenya Update of COVID-19 in the Country and Response Measures. National Emergency Response on Corona Virus. Available from: https://www.health.go.ke/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/September-10-Covid-19-Statement.pdf. Accessed on March 28, 2024.
4. MoH-Kenya Mental Health Taskforce Urges Government to Declare Mental Health a National Emergency Nairobi, Tuesday. 7 July 2020. Africa Check. Available from: https://www.health.go.ke/mental-health-taskforce-urges-government-to-declare-mental-health-a-national-emergency-nairobi-tuesday-july-7-2020/. Accessed on March 28, 2024.
5. National Institute of Mental Health. Warning Signs of Suicide. Available from: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/warning-signs-of-suicide . Accessed on March 28, 2024.